Most agree we usually prefer to spend our time surrounded with people who are similar to ourselves, but could you imagine dating someone that was JUST like you?
My husband and I spent so many years excited while engaging in all of our common areas. We had the same goals. Same favorite cartoons and foods. We even had the same family structures! It wasn’t until we had multiple kids that we realized how different our differences really were.
Take a guess at who the spontaneous one is and who the planner is…
My husband/The Spontaneous One: Wakes up and says “Let’s Go!”
Me/The Planner: A month in advance, “What do you think about planning a trip next month?”
Where will we sleep? Are the kids going? If the kids go, I need to make sure they have plenty of snack and activities.
While I am creating questions that need answers, my husband has decided he’s no longer interested in leaving. He enjoys moving freely at times and I thrive from tasks and the logistics of the plan.
We realized the problem wasn’t his way or my way. We just needed some balance! The balance of compromise and respecting the moments we share.
Problem Solved!
IF the action is spontaneous, just go for it!
Figure out what is necessary and what isn’t worth planning.
IF the action is planned, don’t over plan. Decide what is necessary to eliminate your spouse’s frustration. Write out the plan and share the details after you have written out the plan. This will eliminate the game of 20 questions.
See the actions my husband and I take to stay connected:
1. Set a working date
Choose one day each week or a short time every night to discuss important goals and ideas.
-Visit your calendars to discuss the when and where.
-Discuss your goals and expectations for each event/need.
2. Remember, no one can read minds…Communicate!
Decide when it’s the perfect time to share with your spouse what you are feeling. Don’t just share the bad, share the good also!
3. Lastly, Compromise
My husband/The Spontaneous One: Be sure to consider how much “spare” of the moment is too much.
Me/The Planner: Be open and flexible to your spouse’s spontaneous needs.
So back to opposites attract…
Being different from my spouse brings me out of my comfort zone and we both love it! Embrace your differences. We challenge and motivate each other in different ways.
How do you and your spouse make your differences work?
